Categories
Interesting Nonsense

Soul Mortgage Math

The Devil doesn’t offer to buy souls anymore and offers soul mortgages instead. Pay off your loan within thirty years on a fixed rate, and you get your soul back. But if you fall behind, your soul goes into foreclosure, and anyone can buy it. You’ll need to take steps to pay off your loan within two years, or you’ll lose your soul. And since you have already paid off your loan, it’s hard to see how you get your soul back.


So, let’s say you’re living in New Jersey, on a good mortgage, and you have a family, a home, a car and a car loan to pay off. How much debt do you have to pay off before you can take steps to save your soul?


You need more than one soul to keep a family. The average American family has at least two children, and if you have four children, that’s six kids. The average American family has seven children, so you need nine souls.


The number nine is the highest, because you need at least nine souls in any given household. If you have two kids and no other children, that means you will need at least eight souls. If a couple has two kids and another couple, you also need one soul.


So, for a family of two, you need nine souls to make it through the next thirty years on a fixed rate of mortgage payment. But for a family of more, that number drops to eight souls. The average American family has eight souls, and the average American family has nine souls. The average American family has eight souls, and the average American family has nine souls.


So, if you are living off the grid, you need at least nine souls. But let’s say you’re in a house in Montana, and you have a house and a car loan. If you have a house loan, your house loan is worth more than your car loan, so you need more than nine souls to get your car loan. But if you have a house loan and you don’t pay on the house loan, you don’t get the car loan.  So, for a house loan you need nine souls. For a car loan you need nine souls.

Categories
Interesting Nonsense

Harry “The Butcher” Potter

“Ummm, Doctor. I don’t think that’s meant to be there.”

She shrugged in annoyance. “Oh, well. You’re pretty good at keeping me entertained though, and I like watching my friend getting eaten up. I suppose that’s good company.”

“Not if I have to eat him.” Harry said.

“You’re right. I should probably get a new wand.”

Harry was a master at the art of getting everyone to eat each other up, Harry thought to himself.

He was going to kill a few witches and wizards in his own little universe, but in order to do that, he would first need a new wand, one which he would want to use to kill them all.

The thought didn’t quite cross his mind, though. He still wanted to go kill witches and wizards in his own universe. He had always wanted to kill them, he always wanted to kill them. Harry had always wanted to kill them, he loved killing them.

So he’d go get it, get it now, he was going to kill them all.

The thought was so utterly stupid that he didn’t think anything but, if Harry could just find out what he wanted to kill them all with, he was going to find a good way to do it.

Harry sighed. He’d already killed a lot more witches and wizards than he wanted to. He had killed so many people over the years, so many people who he knew were going to do terrible things to him, that he didn’t even remember how to kill them all. He just killed them, because he was stupid enough to believe that it was fun to kill.

He had a wand, he had a wand. It was going to be nice to find a way to make it a bit more effective, he thought to himself. It had to be a little more powerful, he’d have to make a few modifications, and he had to make a few adjustments in terms of the way he’d be

Categories
Short Stories

There Is A Chill In The Air

There’s a chill in the air as you meet your sisters in the clearing at Hollow Creek. You exchange the traditional mulled cider, light the sacred spice candles, and form a circle to speak the ancient words. Tonight, you all have business to attend to.

As you meet each other in the circle you have a feeling that you’ve come to a common conclusion. The words speak directly to you, the words are ancient, the words speak of truthfulness. We’re on the path to understanding, and the truth is within us all.

After the circle has been formed you begin to walk together over the mountains to get to the river where the ancient stone circles still lie, hidden beneath the thickets of the forest. The river is still there; it is still there, and there should be a path to follow.

“Walking the path to the river, you will learn of a new thing that will help you along the way,” says an old woman who appears to be in her fifties. She is wearing white-and-blue clothing, her black hair is loose and wild, and a pair of red-and-gold shoes stand out. She is holding a red-and-gold cauldron from which strange dark liquid flows.

It is cold.

“Some of the stones are very hard,” you say. “It is not safe for any person to walk around here in the dark like this.”

“It has nothing to do with the stones,” says the old woman as you walk along. “They were created to help people heal. If you are truly good, they will be a source of power, healing for your family and your friends. But this is the wrong way to go. We should be healing the stone circles themselves, not the water from the circle.”

When the ancient stone circles are gone, the old woman will offer you the cauldron.

You drink the liquid from the cauldron, and the stone circles begin to melt.

Your eyes adjust.

“You have to be brave, young man. If you stay silent, no one will listen.”

Your eyes adjust.

“You must be brave, young man. You do what you must do. No one will listen to you. No one.”

When the old woman’s eyes have adjusted to the dark, you realize that she has been speaking to you for hours. She has been holding back from speaking because you have been keeping quiet, but now that you understand it, it would be better if you did speak now, so they can hear what you really mean.

“You do something wrong.”

The old woman’s eyes are still fixed on the stone circles, but now that you have the understanding that it is your own fault, you begin to smile.

“There is no wrongdoing. If you do what you must do, you will see the right way. There is no wrongdoing. If the circles are good to you now, the stones will be good to you in the future. The stones will be good to you, because they were created to help people heal. The stone circles are good to the people of the land now, because they were created to help people heal. The stone circles are good, because they were made to honor those who helped people heal, and for the people who helped heal the stone circles were good, it is good that they are good, because it is good that they heal.”

The stone circles disappear, and they have disappeared into nothingness.

It is dark out, and a strange sense of calm surrounds you.

You look into her eyes. In that moment, as her eyes investigated yours, the truth of your situation becomes undeniable. You cannot tell from her expression, but you are sure that your own mind is in complete control of your decision to speak. You will make your decision as your own mind allows it. Your emotions will not get in the way of your decision, your will. You shall walk the path to the water and heal the stone circles yourself before the old woman sees that you are on your own path.

The old woman walks away from you in fear and silence.

You feel a sudden urge to cry; you feel as if you might cry at any time. This woman in your life did not want you to speak; she did not want you to walk along the path that had opened between them and you.

Your heart is pounding, and you are beginning to regret what you have done. It is a very small mistake that your heart could have made if it were the right choice. You are angry that you let this old woman into your life and are angry that she does not want to speak to you at the table you have made. You begin to shake as you speak again, anger and sadness mixed into each word you whisper.

Categories
Food

Spice Up Your Chili Recipe With This Secret Ingredient

The secret ingredient in my world famous chili recipe is soy sauce: it’s my secret sauce. I like to give it a little extra zing with the spices.

If you’ve never taken the time to experiment with soy sauce before… or if, like me, you can’t find it on a grocery store shelf, take the plunge with me! It’s amazing.

My first batch of homemade chili was made in just 3 days with soy sauce. Since that time it has been a go-to recipe in my home, kitchen, and on my travels. My customers ask me when I’ve made it at the grocery store. My response? “I just used the store’s stock.”

My next batch is going to use only the best ingredients in store and will be even more flavorful than the first one.

But first things first – don’t over-do it. Here are some of my favorite ingredients in store that I use in my chili recipes.

What Is Soy Sauce?

Soy sauce is a type of vegetable oil that’s derived from soybeans. It is commonly known to be used in soups, stews, chilis, sauces, and many other foods. Some people call soy sauce the “oil of life.” It’s made from the oils found in soybeans, not the water.

Soy sauce may be a little expensive, but you won’t be able to go wrong with homemade chili. If you’re interested in purchasing soy sauce from a store, you have plenty of options.

Soy sauce is a very simple ingredient to make yourself: add some soy sauce to water, heat it up, and stir it around for 30 seconds to 30 minutes or so until the oil is melted and a thick paste is formed.

I love using a blender for easy making (not to mention the added bonus of not having to worry about the soy sauce getting soggy or curdled). Just whisk until smooth, then heat up a pot of water to medium heat and add your mixture.

This recipe makes 4 1/2 cups of oil. (If you make this recipe and want to add a little more oil, feel free! Just use 1 1/2 cups instead – you’ll save money!)

What Are My Other Favorite Ways To Use Soy Sauce?

There are many other uses of soy sauce that I enjoy as well. For instance – I love to use it as a seasoning to season chicken, pork, or beef for sautéing or cooking over the stove top, as well as as in soups. I like to use a little at a time in the sauce to keep it from sticking together. I also like to add it to my favorite sauces for adding heat and flavor to any recipe. For a great list of other uses for soy sauce, check out these other recipes:

The Ultimate Chili Recipe

Soy Sauce, Spices, and Other Additions to My Mexican Chicken

I’ve always loved to make chicken and it was my favorite part of Mexican dinner. My family has cooked with it for decades. I made these chicken and rice noodle recipes years ago and loved it so much, I created my own version that’s just as delicious. The secret ingredient in this recipe is ground chicken.

This is the first of about a dozen recipes that make it easy to throw together and use in your home chili. In fact, this is probably my go to recipe! Just blend the soy sauce to taste until your liquid is thick and creamy. I usually add it just before serving to keep the heat low.

For the chicken and rice noodle recipe that follows, I usually use the same stock as is used for the meat and rice. This means the rice and meat don’t have to be exactly the same size (if there’s any variance, add 1/2 of the same amount of rice or meat instead).

I usually use a little oil in the broth to reduce the amount of sauce that can stick to the chicken. This isn’t always necessary, and if your oil is too hot, add a teaspoon or two of water to bring it back to normal. If you’re using a little more oil than I recommend (about 1/3 of the same, if not more), then simmer the meat for 5 minutes or so to reduce the cooking time.

Soy sauce is a very easy and cost-effective ingredient to make at home that will give your homemade chili that much-needed flavor and kick to it. If you have any ideas for additional uses or ways to use it, please let me know with any questions.

I’ve made it in the past and my customers love it!

My other favorite way to use this is with beans! You can easily make this in the crockpot and freeze it, or cook it in a crock pot over the weekend.

Categories
News

Scientists Discover Supermassive Black Holes Closer Than You Think

Scientists have discovered a black hole much closer to Earth than they thought possible. The astronomers at the Max Planck Institute for Extraterrestrial Physics in Germany discovered this new giant black hole during a three-month mission in 2013. The new discovery is also just one in a new series of supermassive black holes discovered across the Milky Way galaxy. The astronomers were not expecting an alien black hole to be discovered, but to have one discovered in this particular galaxy with no explanation. “The galaxy is quite old,” said lead author Andreas Pfluger from the Max Planck Institute for Extraterrestrial Physics. “It’s not just any old galaxy…it’s quite a big one.”

Pfluger had discovered some other supermassive black holes in nearby galaxies that were located far from their Milky Way brethren. These were not as old, but they were still very far away. It took Pfluger months just to find a galaxy located near the black hole’s edge, the center of which had to be in a different galaxy. “I couldn’t have known about this galaxy,” explained Pfluger. “I don’t even know of many other black holes in these distant galaxies.”

This galaxy, named NGC 976, is a bit further off in space than the Milky Way. It is located roughly 1.4 billion light years away in the constellation of Cygnus. The researchers named it for its large white cloud, which is thought to be a type of gas cloud surrounding it. In this galaxy, this cloud is the same as what is found across the whole Milky Way galaxy.

In this particular galaxy, the astronomers found two massive objects that are thought to be black holes. They are thought to be the remnant mass of a star and a gas cloud known as an accretion disc.

“Black holes have the mass to absorb most of our solar system,” said lead author and Max Planck scientist Andreas Pfluger. “We are seeing these objects from other galaxies, so we need to take that into account and understand what’s in them.”

The scientists were surprised when they discovered the black hole with the most powerful light source in our galaxy. They are not sure how they found out about it but said it may be possible they detected an interstellar object in the Milky Way that had already passed through another galaxy.

These objects in the galaxy are believed to be so massive that it will take several billion years for the two black holes in this galaxy to merge into one, possibly in about 4 million years. “These are extremely massive black holes,” said Pfluger. “It could take billions of years to merge them in the Milky Way.”

The astronomers hope their findings will help them understand what happens when these objects become so massive that they become unstable. They also hope they’ll help us to understand what happens when these stars die. “We have a very important question: What is the fate of a star that’s so huge that it is no longer an active body anymore and when does it die?” said Pfluger.

The Max Planck Institute for Extraterrestrial Physics is a member of the Max Planck Society.

The study of supermassive black holes is important for astronomers and for scientists working all over the globe. In this case, it may have been used to explore a whole new field in black holes and for black hole research. The research will be published in the journal Astronomy & Astrophysics.

Categories
Weather Forecasts

New Ice Age, Tropical Storms, Heavy Water Rain Forecast Tomorrow

DISCLAIMER: This is not an actual forecast from the National Weather Service. This is intended for entertainment purposes only.

The National Weather Service forecast for tomorrow is likely to be much less than yesterday’s prediction.

This morning, the National Weather Service announced that there could even be more extreme downpours as a result of the rain that fell during a thunderstorm.

The National Weather Service forecast for tomorrow is likely to be much less than yesterday’s forecast.

Rain will begin to fall late Monday evening into Tuesday morning. Winds will become stronger and gusts will rise.

There will likely be at least three high totals of 35 mph and greater near the coast. In some areas, the number of severe thunderstorm totals could reach 50 mph. Temperatures could peak in the 80s.

Temperatures will reach the mid- to high- 90s for the northern portion of the coast. The number of high totals could reach 70 mph and greater throughout. Temperatures may peak in the upper 80s.

Most likely, there will be an extreme storm surge. This will occur as an ice cloud will move over the coast. In most places, there will be at least one ice cap around the coast. In some locations, the sea ice may extend to the coastline. Storm surge will be at a very high level.

It is not yet clear if the total amount of rain will exceed what is expected.

Forecasters have made adjustments, however, in the storm path in hopes of minimizing some of the damage. Forecasters said the National Hurricane Center is looking for some areas to receive less of the rain than expected.

Some communities along the coastline have experienced very heavy, high amounts of rain, said forecasters.

Forecasters are working to improve the situation. Forecasters are trying to increase the storm center’s visibility as much as possible by making the weather center’s radar system more visible and providing additional radar coverage.

The National Weather Service has issued the following warnings for coastal areas along the coast of the United States. Areas of concern include areas near the coast, in the northern and eastern portion of inland Louisiana and Mississippi, and along the western coast of the United States. Forecasters also are warning residents to be ready for heavy storms on Tuesday.

For the most current information about this forecast, see the National Hurricane Center web page at

http://www.nceps.noaa.gov or the NHC’s Facebook page and on Twitter @NHC_Weather. Forecasters say the storm will likely continue to develop as it moves into coastal areas late Tuesday evening.

Forecasting a possible storm for the United States

A storm warning remains in effect for portions of Texas, Louisiana and Mississippi.

A storm warning remains in place for parts of Louisiana from the coast of New Orleans to the Gulf of Mexico.

A storm warning remains in place for portions of Mississippi and Arkansas from the coast of Jackson, Miss., to a point south along the Arkansas River. A storm warning remains in place for portions of Tennessee.

Categories
Weather Forecasts

NWS Predicts Bizarrely Aggressive Snowstorms, Recommends Locking Car Doors

DISCLAIMER: This is not an actual forecast from the National Weather Service. This is intended for entertainment purposes only.

The National Weather Service forecast for tomorrow is expected to be less severe than Monday’s forecast.

This will likely be the second straight day that the snow-covered area has been without rain.

A snowfall of 1 to 2 inches is possible in the mountains from 7 AM to 9 PM.

The National Weather Service has been tracking a high of 5 inches, which is in the 6 to 9 inches range. If it is still raining that is a 5 in the 12 to 14 in range.

If you go down to the airport, expect to have to wait an hour or so to board a flight.

There has been some damage in the area, but it won’t be too bad.

The National Weather Service forecast for tomorrow also predicts a snowstorm warning for the mountains.

Stay safe.

Stay in the car if you want to be safe. And, please be careful with powerlines.

There is no power to the area, and you have to stay on high ground to avoid power lines.

The National Weather Service has issued the following warnings for today:

Stay inside and keep clear.

If the winds are blowing heavy, it is important to stay inside or take cover.

Do not get out in the snow.

Stay inside if possible, but do not venture up onto the roof. It will be very windy.

If you get stuck near a power line, call for assistance and keep moving until it becomes clear.

Be sure not to climb over the powerline. It will be very difficult to free yourself.

Stay on a snowmobile or a walking snowboard or snowmobile tandem if possible.

Get ready for the weather

The National Weather Service says that there should be some showers overnight.

Be patient and stay off of the road.

Stay away from trees.

If you find yourself in a snowstorm, make sure you are wearing appropriate clothing.

Stay inside for the most part, but it is not recommended to walk in the snow. If you want to get into it, stay inside in the car with the doors locked.

Be careful not to get stuck in a snowstorm.

Stay safe, and stay safe.

Categories
Food

Grandma’s Amazing Lasagna Recipe

My grandmother’s recipe for lasagna is as amazing as her recipe for lasagna. So great. It is so much easier when you make lasagna from scratch.

In all, I’ve made this lasagna for the last week. I’ve made the lasagna with a batch of the lasagnes, followed by lasagna for lunch. This is my lasagna for dinner, followed by lasagna for weekend lunches!

I love making lasagna the way it is because the only thing I have to worry about is that my kids will eat it in the microwave (I hate microwave meals – I don’t like them!). It’s easy to put together and can be prepared in about 15 to 20 minutes. It will also turn out great for a party.

It’s time to make your lasagna. Start by cooking all the ingredients in a pot on low heat for about 2 minutes until they’re all cooked through. It’s important to let it cool down so all that delicious lasagna goodness that’s in that pot goes back into the oven and is ready to eat!

You’ll notice that after you’ve made the lasagna, I’m still cooking pasta from scratch. I used to make pasta and pasta only, but the other day when I made some pasta out of the same recipe for lasagna lasagna, I realized I didn’t have enough pasta in my fridge. I used to have about 2 cups of pasta left in the fridge when my kids used it.

So here are the pasta ingredients in a bowl:

2 cups of chicken stock (I like to use regular chicken stock. My grandmother made her own by cooking it at the pot over medium heat and letting it sit for a few months. I like it because it is thick and delicious!)

1/3 cup of Parmesan cheese

1/3 cup of freshly grated parmesan

1/4 cup of Parmesan cheese

6 ounces of heavy cream

2 tablespoons of fresh oregano

1/4 cup of chopped fresh chives

1/4 cup of shredded cheddar cheese

6 ounces of shredded cheddar cheese

2 tablespoons of fresh parsley

3 cloves garlic

Salt and Pepper

1 tablespoon olive oil

Freshly ground black pepper

I used a 3/4 cup measuring cup to make this lasagna, but a 2/3 cup measuring cup works just as well. You can also substitute any other type of lasagna or pasta you’d prefer for this, but I just used chicken and Parmesan for this lasagna recipe.

The first step to making this lasagna is to make the pasta.

Place all the ingredients in the bowl of a food processor and process until smooth. I like to use my hand for this step, but I also like a food processor that comes with me with a food processor attachment. It’s easier to use your fingers, but you can also use an immersion blender.

I use my food processor attachment, but you can also use your hands if you are nervous about using your hands!

You want the pasta to be very coarse. You want it slightly softer in the center of the bowl. Make sure the pasta is very soft and that each piece of the pasta has a distinct texture.

The next step is to combine the pasta and the chicken stock.

This may take around 2 minutes, however, if you are nervous, do it quickly after you have processed your food processor to make sure you do a good job. I usually like to use my hands while mixing this mixture, but if you’re nervous, you can use a food processor. You’re going to be mixing it, I promise!

The next step is to combine the Parmesan and the chives in a small food processor.

If you aren’t careful when you combine it, you will end up with very small pieces of chopped garlic and a very bitter taste in your mouth.

It’s important to make sure the chives and the garlic are not mixed in too many, but you can do this by hand with a small spoon or your finger if you are too nervous. Make sure you keep doing this until the Parmesan mixture is smooth to the touch and no longer bitter, then add the garlic and chopped chives and process for another 2 or 3 minutes. Do not over mix! Just a few minutes will do you good!

Now, add your stock.

After you add the olive oil, you want to let the stock sit for about a minute while you process the pasta and chicken stock.

Then add the pasta and the chicken stock and process for another 3 minutes or so so the pasta is almost smooth.

After you add the pasta and the chicken stock and process for a couple more minutes, then add the Parmesan.

You should be done with all the ingredients by now!

I love this lasagna.

Categories
Weather Forecasts

Ominous Tornados Forecast for Tomorrow

DISCLAIMER: This is not an actual forecast from the National Weather Service. This is intended for entertainment purposes only.

The National Weather Service forecast for tomorrow is for winds from the southeast at 35 to 40 miles per hour, with wind shear at 5 miles per hour. The severe weather warning has been extended, with heavy rain likely in the afternoon. Highs and lows will be on the morning of Tuesday, October 19.

In a similar vein, a statement issued Wednesday afternoon issued a more detailed and ominous forecast for the next few days, noting, “We are seeing many tornadoes as they grow to the size of small cars and tornadoes in the area can become large tornadoes. We believe that all tornadoes should be reported in the order in which you think they will appear, and if we are correct it will not be until later tonight. The best chance of survival for many is to get down to someplace and go home. The risk is to be found where there are no roads but a small creek and a couple of old barns with no exits but some wooden shelter. If you cannot find a safe place, seek out a few places to hide.”

By this point of the week, some of the most dangerous tornadoes have already struck Southern California, a region which has experienced a spate of tornadoes each year for the last two decades.

On Wednesday afternoon, the National Weather Service in Riverside warned that at least 10 tornadoes have already damaged homes, and more are likely to hit in the coming days, including a twister which touched down at Lake Tahoe on Wednesday afternoon, the Weather Service said. A wind gust of up to 75 mph was recorded on Wednesday afternoon.

“The tornado was just a couple of feet away from one of our buildings and hit with no warning,” said Mike Schubert, a construction worker and resident of a home on a cul-de-sac on South Main Street, which was destroyed in the storm. “I saw a big white tornado coming right at me as it came through. … I was really scared, so I ran up the hill. I couldn’t get out of my house.”

Schubert, who lives across the street from the home where the twister struck, said he was on his way to work when he was knocked over from below. His neighbors told him a tornado touched down, and he went outside, hoping to avoid a potential tornado, as well.

“I saw it coming, and I was like what the hell?” said Schubert. “I didn’t know what to do. I was in shock. … I saw a big black cloud, and as it moved over my house, I heard that my neighbor was gone. Then there was a huge explosion.”

Schubert said he ran to a neighbor’s house to try to save his home, but he was too late: The house, which he had just built, had been destroyed.

“I was really scared, so I ran out to get my truck,” he said. “The house shook like it was on fire, but it was nothing like that.”  A few hours later, he said, “I thought for sure that my house was going to fall down and I wasn’t going to make it.”

Schubert said the tornado hit his neighborhood at the same time as several other tornadoes, which the weather service said may have been triggered by weather-related conditions.

The most severe tornado in the area was a 1-mile-wide tornado that struck Riverside County’s town of Lake Tahoe in a span of about 30 minutes on Wednesday afternoon, according to the National Weather Service.

“I’m shocked they couldn’t get to the scene sooner,” neighbor and Lake Tahoe resident Kevin Smith said. “There was a tornado just over our house. There’s not a lot of power in the area.”

Another neighbor, who only wanted to be identified as Tom, said, “I think everyone was scared out of their wits. We thought this would be a real tornado.”

He said the tornado was so strong it shook his family’s home, but, “We didn’t know what was going on. We weren’t ready. I just knew it had to be a tornado.”

A witness who saw the tornado described it as a “big, black cloud with no wind.” The tornado touched down about 50 yards from the home of Thomas Pyle, a construction worker and employee of the county, which was in flames, according to Schubert.

“He said it was a tornado,” said Schubert, pointing to a nearby home where a house that Pyle lives on collapsed.

The storm also injured three other people, who were treated at Riverside Medical Center, and one of them was flown by helicopter to the National Weather Service’s Sacramento headquarters for emergency management.

“The injuries were pretty bad,” Dr. Paul H. Miller, an emergency medical technician and a member of the National Weather Service’s weather division, said. “They were all pretty serious.”

He said he could not confirm any of the victims had died as a result of their injuries.

On Wednesday night, Riverside Fire Department Chief Steve Smith said the area where the tornado hit was “very heavily affected” and said that it would take up to 30 to 45 minutes for water to clear. Fire crews were working in the area to restore power to about 100 homes. “I’m very worried about the damage to the structures there,” Smith said. “If it had been a bigger storm, I don’t see that it would’ve been any different.”

Categories
Horror Short Stories

The Lord of War’s Voice

The Final Version

An unspeakable horror from another dimension stepped out of the portal, wisps of gas rising from the pavement where it made contact.  It was late and the street was mostly empty, a solitary man stood nearby at a bus stop, the only witness to what had happened.

A figure stood amidst the growing layer of fog just above the pavement, wearing dark, ragged clothes. Stretched across his face was a thin sheet of gray skin, covered in blood and grubs. His eyes were closed, and he was staring off into space. He spoke in a monotone, but a faint echo could be heard in the quiet surroundings.

A chill ran down the man’s spine. “What are you?”  As if in response to his question, the figure spoke.

“Your presence here. You will soon be gone. It is for the best.”

The air around the figure’s mouth and nostrils shifted, becoming slightly thicker. He spoke, “You will now be free to go wherever you wish, but I wish you would not go alone. My name is The Lord of War’s Voice. I am here to guide you. Your freedom comes with a price.”

“I’m just being a friend. I’m here just as I am right now. I know the Lord of War’s Voice will help you. I only asked you to help me, so you can free others.”

The Lord of War’s Voice laughed in the face of the man’s question. He spoke, “You will have to learn to accept it when it becomes apparent that you must do what is needed.”

“I’m…sorry, sir…I can’t…I don’t understand what I’m doing…” The man began walking away.

“I am here for those who have fallen, for the ones who need us most. The Lord of War’s Voice will help those he deems worthy to receive help. It is for those that need us most and have not yet found a voice.”

“But…I don’t have…a voice.” The man said, tears in his eyes as his thoughts turned into a fog.

“You will. You will be free. I will guide you to the place where you can find your voice. There will be many voices, many ways to speak, and the Lord of War’s Voice will guide you to the right one.”

“But…I…” The man began to fall and a growing light came from the portal.

“You will. You will find your voice. You have already found your voice.” The Lord of War’s Voice said, as his eyes closed again, “I have a name for you. A name, for the man you may be.”

The man began to walk towards the light, and the Lord of War’s Voice spoke to him again, “The man has been identified as the Lord of War’s Voice. You are free to return. I will guide you as you choose.”

He began to walk towards the light once more, only to be halted.

“You do not have a voice,” the Lord of War said, with his head lowered, “You have a mind that cannot comprehend a sound.”

A coldness descended upon the man’s body as he stared at the Lord of War’s voice. He turned, his eyes widening in shock.

The Lord of War’s Voice smiled, and the figure that had been standing in the shadows began to walk away.

The Lord of War looked at the man, who had just vanished from the shadow, and saw that he had become a new being. He was a being of pure white hair. As he was about to speak, he was interrupted by the Lord of War’s Voice, speaking in a low and deep voice.

“You were not here before. This is the first time I have heard your voice.” The Lord of War spoke, in a calm voice. “I am here to guide you, and to guide you, and to guide you, and to guide you. I am here to guide you. You will be guided to your own voice.”

Thoughts

I was impressed with the quality of this story, and the use of “The Lord of War’s Voice” as a name implies a fairly rich backstory in the universe this takes place. With that name, it was easy to ignore some of the awkward wording and take some of the word choices as threatening instead of out of place. I’ve also realized that I should probably start with a photo next time, as working backwards was a bit more of a challenge than I thought.

The Original Prompt

An unspeakable horror from another dimension stepped out of the portal, wisps of gas rising from the pavement where it made contact.

Unmodified Output

An unspeakable horror from another dimension stepped out of the portal, wisps of gas rising from the pavement where it made contact.

A figure stood amidst the clouds, wearing dark, ragged clothes. The mask was a thin sheet of gray skin stretched across his face, covered in blood and grubs. His eyes were closed, and he was staring off into space. He spoke in a monotone, but a faint echo could be heard in the quiet surroundings.

“What are you?”

A chill ran down the man’s spine. As if in response to his question, the figure spoke.

“Your presence here. You will soon be gone. It is for the best.”

The air around the figure’s mouth and nostrils shifted, becoming slightly thicker. He spoke, “You will now be free to go wherever you wish, but I wish you would not go alone. My name is The Lord of War’s Voice. I am here to guide you. Your freedom comes with a price.”

“I’m just being a friend. I’m here just as I am right now. I know the Lord of War’s voice will help you. I only asked you to help me, so you can free others.”

The Lord of War’s Voice laughed in the face of the man’s question. He spoke, “You will have to learn to accept it when it becomes apparent that you must do what is needed.”

“I’m…sorry, sir…I can’t…I don’t understand what I’m doing…” The man began walking away.

“I am here for those who have fallen, for the ones who need us most. The Lord of War’s Voice will help those he deems worthy to receive help. It is for those that need us most and have not yet found a voice.”

“But…I don’t have…a voice.” The man said, tears in his eyes as his thoughts turned into a fog.

“You will. You will be free. I will guide you to the place where you can find your voice. There will be many voices, many ways to speak, and the Lord of War’s Voice will guide you to the right one.”

“But…I…” The man began to fall.

“You will. You will find your voice. You have already found your voice.” The Lord of War’s Voice said, as his eyes closed again, “I have a name for you. A name, for the man you may be.”

The man began to walk towards the light, and the Lord of War’s Voice spoke to him again, “The man has been identified as the Lord of War’s Voice. You are free to return. I will guide you as you choose.”

He began to walk towards the light once more, only to be halted.

“You do not have a voice,” the Lord of War said, with his head lowered, “You have a mind that cannot comprehend a sound.”

A coldness descended upon the man’s body as he stared at the Lord of War’s voice. He turned, his eyes widening in shock.

The Lord of War’s Voice smiled, and the figure that had been standing in the shadows began to walk away.

The Lord of War looked at the man, who had just vanished from the shadow, and saw that he had become a new being. He was a being of pure white hair. As he was about to speak, he was interrupted by the Lord of War’s voice, speaking in a low and deep voice.

“You were not here before. This is the first time I have heard your voice.” The Lord of War spoke, in a calm voice. “I am here to guide you, and to guide you, and to guide you, and to guide you. I am here to guide you. You will be guided to your own voice.”