Categories
News

Chicago Sports Circus

DISCLAIMER: #FakeNews

Sources close to the matter are reporting that former mayor of New York City and personal lawyer to the president, Rudy Giuliani has been involved with the case. Sources say Giuliani did not respond to calls seeking comment. According to the New York Post, a representative for Giuliani was in Chicago on Sunday afternoon to attend a fundraising event for a campaign group that has been funding an effort to bring the animals to the U.S.

Photo by twend354 on Pixabay

According to the newspaper, Chicago is the site of a massive circus where they are reportedly trained, bred, and housed in the circus yard. These “cattle dogs” are used as circus performers, who are used by the circus to entertain circus patrons. According to a Chicago Sun-Times report, circus performers have been trained daily by the Chicago Cubs, which makes them perfect circus fodder. A former Chicago Cubs employee tells the newspaper that “the Cubs have a long history in Chicago of using animal trainers and animal trainers to teach their animal fans.”

According to the Chicago Tribune, a petition is already circulating on the White House website calling on President Obama to rescue the animals.

Photo by Pexels on Pixabay

In 2009, a number of bulls and pigs were taken off the Chicago Bulls stable in order to raise funds. In 2010, the Chicago Bulldog Show featured a bull named Big Boo. While these animals aren’t legally considered domestic animals, these animals are often used by some circus owners as an advertisement for their animals on television.

Despite these laws prohibiting “domestic” animals, Chicago Bulls players and owner Jerry Quarry frequently use these dogs as props in games and in media appearances. Bulls star Derrick Rose regularly uses two bulls as props.

Chicago’s City Council passed an ordinance in 2010 prohibiting “exotic animal use” in entertainment venues. In a statement, Chicago Police Department commissioner Eddie Johnson noted: “This ordinance prohibits animals which are used to entertain the public and which are otherwise owned by individuals or companies without a license from being exhibited at private events and places of employment. Animals such as bullhorns and exotic animals are not suitable for any such employment activities. The Department of Public Health will be working with the city’s Animal Care and Control Department to determine whether to expand its ordinance to include bullhound use in the city of Chicago.”

Categories
Short Stories

Interdictum Mundum

“So, wizards and heavy armor divisions, what can go wrong?”

Just as they were about to begin their charge forward, the distinct sound of a teleportation could be heard. A group of soldiers rushed towards the noise, but were stopped in their tracks by a shout of “Interdictum Utique Tempus”. An elaborately decorated scroll hung in the air, somehow blocking the approach of the soldiers.

The Lieutenant was dumbfounded as a short man in a business suit carrying a briefcase walked up the path towards his group. A closer look at his suit revealed what appeared to be rank insignia. “Combat Barrister First Class Stewart, here on the orders of Her Royal Highness.”

The Lieutenant cursed under his breath. He had heard rumors of these battle lawyers but had not encountered them in person before. “And so?” the Lieutenant inquired. “What exactly are we here for?”

He felt it was time to make something of the situation. It had been a long journey for him, having to battle some of the greatest wizard clans he had ever known, and a large part of that had come from learning what it meant to be a warrior in the wizarding world. His first thought was simply to stay put and allow his forces to advance until reinforcements were arrived.

Stewart gave a quick, but pointed look over his shoulder. “They have been working against the Ministry for years.” The Lieutenant paused for a moment and wondered what he had learned.

“You do realize that this is a very serious matter?”

“What we’re here for now is an interdict. We are here to destroy what the Ministry believes to be the most lethal magical weapon in the wizarding world, the Interdictum Mundum. It is being prepared by the Ministry to be used by a select few individuals at the end of this war.” The Lieutenant smiled at the idea in his mind until his voice turned to a low rasp. “I am grateful that my superiors, the Ministry, were willing to share it with me.”

“You do realize that this is a very serious matter?”

“Indeed,” the Lieutenant replied evenly. “They have come to a very obvious conclusion though – this is the right decision, and I trust that whatever happens, it will not be one that will cost us anything else in the short term.”

“For some reason,” Stewart said quickly, “they are not all that interested in a proper trial, not this time. Not after their first appearance at our camp.” A smile spread across the lieutenant. He had been right; this was an attempt to force the Ministry to give him access to more data before he could make a decision.

“I would imagine that you know this,” the lieutenant asked. “Why are you going into the middle of this? Are things going to be so complicated from here?”

Steward made a mental note of this. Even the best of us might not know the full extent of what was going on around the war. He had known the Ministry would not make a stand unless there was an immediate and definite threat on offer, and that they would use every means at their disposal to make sure that was not the case.

“The problem is that the Ministry are in a tight spot. They are facing a large, powerful enemy, something that they can neither defeat easily nor win easily.” “It is not sufficient to simply send more powerful wizards against the Interdictum Mundum, for you see it is not merely a magic weapon, it is a magic contract… and I found the loophole.”